FORUMS_

I've done this twice before... for Black Ops and MW3. My latest spin on the classic poem with BO2.

Have a great Christmas.

‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the net

The COD vets were smiling from the kills they would get

Headsets were charged with a battery to spare

Knowing new greenies soon would be there

The kiddies were dreaming of streaks in their heads

When they should have been filled with thoughts of dread

Support streaks were easy, a total breeze

Of course they’ll still come with absolute ease

With nary a word, he bounds down the stair

Knowing for certain his copy was there

He tears it wide open, his eyes all a light

So ready to dominate his first firefight

His console whirred, the screen popped to life

Maybe he’ll run with just a gun and a knife

That’s all he keeps seeing from vids on YouTube

So, it must be that simple, for he is no noob

Who needs combat training, I played the first one

I’ll show those old vets this time how it’s done

He made his first pick ten but stopped it at nine

So certain his skill would make it all fine

“On semtex! On flashbang! On old hand grenade!”

With so many choices, he had it made

And he couldn’t believe it, like a gift from heaven

They let him start out with a freaking MP7

He whips out his pistol and flies off in a dash

Getting ready to throw out that very first flash

When over the building and out of the sky

A ‘nade hit his chest, he was the first die

No worries he thinks as he changes his class

I’ll just equip Ghost and camp off my ass

Sit in this corner and aim at this door

And wait for the bodies to litter the floor

“Enemy UAV is up!” The announcer would say

Yet flat on his belly he continued to lay

Right up until he was shot through the wall

So certain that he would slaughter them all

So sick of being killed by some guy who’s named Tom

He switches from Deathmatch and loads up some Dom

“I’ll show you what’s up, I’m gonna sprint straight to B

No way you vets will get the better of me!”

He rounds the brick wall with B just in sight

When suddenly time slows, he’s not moving quite right

The concussion wave strikes him and holds him in place              

As the vet calmly shoots him, two times in the face

The same thing keeps happening, over and over

Until finally he dies by a puppy named Rover

The game finally ends, his jaw drops to the floor

Only 300 points was his pitiful score

The vet he leans back and cracks open a beer

His morning complete and full of good cheer

5600 points for the game was not bad

And boy was that greenie sure as hell mad

The Christmas Noob simply doesn’t get how it’s done

For playing Call of Duty is meant to be fun

Laughing out loud and knowing he’s right

“Merry Christmas to all, and to vets a good night!”