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7423 Views 31 Replies Latest reply: Sep 12, 2012 10:21 PM by OP_12 RSS
Hawkeye Master 21,878 posts since
Apr 2, 2012
Currently Being Moderated

Sep 5, 2012 9:35 PM

Letter of Marque ›› Hawkeye & Mockingbird fan fiction ››

               HIDDEN FROM LIGHT SHE THRIVES.  A CITY UNKNOWN TO THE WORLD

               HOUSES AN ECLECTIC COLLECTION OF MEN AND WOMEN OUTCAST

               FROM SOCIETY.  BUT THAT WHICH IS HIDDEN IS HIDDEN FOR A REASON AND

               UNLOCKING THE CITY’S SECRETS WILL PROVE TO BE MORE DANGEROUS

               THAN EVEN HAWKEYE AND MOCKINGBIRD COULD PREPARE FOR. THEY

               WILL NEED TO STAND TOGETHER AND PULL OUT EVERY TRICK TO SURVIVE…

 

               CIVIL UNREST, WAR ON THE WATER, AND AN ANCIENT POWER AWAIT THEM IN…

 

 

L E T T E R   OF   M A R Q U E

 

 

 

 

  UPDATED: 9/6/12

Chapter Two has been added to the thead and I think I've got all the links updated now!

 

 


›› Prologue ›› The Escape

    A mysterious woman desperately runs for her life with only one thing on her mind...the Avengers.

 

›› Chapter One ›› One for the Road

    Clint and Bobbi's vacation is cut short for a visit to Gibraltar.


›› Chapter Two ›› Down the Rabbit Hole

    The Rock of Gibraltar contains a maze of tunnels and a surprise even two Avengers might not be ready for.

 

›› Chapter Three ›› Water's End

    Clint and Bobbi meet Thomas Garrote and the city he calls home.

 

›› Chapter Four ›› Local Flavor

    Absinthe is one hell of a drink.

    • Rogue_Shadow Master 11,236 posts since
      Apr 1, 2012

      Nice chapter, Hawk!  I'll make some more in-depth comments later, but it was definitely worth the wait.

    • Jadryx HeroHQModerator 8,913 posts since
      Apr 4, 2012

      I agree with RS.  Great chapter and definitely worth the wait! (although that just makes the wait for the next part more difficult! )

        • NewsLad HeroHQModerator 155 posts since
          Feb 16, 2012

          @Hawkeye - Personally, I' m a fan of taking as long as needed to make sure it's right -- I'm sure everyone's happy to wait until you've got it to a place you like. :)  RE: Censoring, I haven't made any filter changes, but my understanding is that all the ATVI forums share the same filtering, so that's mostly likely from another section. You guys really aren't foul-mouthed, especially by forum standards. ;)

          • Rogue_Shadow Master 11,236 posts since
            Apr 1, 2012

            So, as I said before, it was another awesome chapter, Hawk.  I especially liked all the bickering between Clint and Bobbi.  You did a great job with all of that, unsurprisingly, like the part about the sit-ups.  And some of the descriptions were awesome, too.  Even the description of the McDonalds wrappers and trash at the beginning was way more interesting than a paragraph like that has any right to be, because of the way you wrote it.  I thought it was a good example of how I could improve my descriptions in my own writing, actually.

             

            The fight scene was cool, too.  Rather than just being a straighforward fight, there was the twist of the darkness in the cave to deal with.  Not to mention that Clint couldn't just pull out his bow and shoot both the dudes with arrows, either.

             

            The only thing I would say I didn't like is that there were a couple points where you say that someone said something "with malevolent glee" or "with authority" or things like that.  Not that it's "wrong" to do that or anything, obviously, but I always prefer it when a writer shows what gives the person's voice authority or what shows his malevolent glee.  Describing the sound of their voice or associating an action or facial expression with it usually works better, in my opinion.  You did those things a lot of times, but it just stuck out to me when you didn't.

             

            Anyways, definitely another awesome chapter, Hawk.  Looking forward to the next one!

              • Rogue_Shadow Master 11,236 posts since
                Apr 1, 2012

                I generally use bickering and bantering pretty interchangeably, since they have pretty similar meanings.  Besides, there was a bit of an argumentative vibe to it at some points (not in a way that shows they were angry or anything, but just their way of talking to each other), anyways.

                 

                Yeah, I thought their different way of fighting in that scene were real cool and fit both of them perfectly.  I wonder if you'll get to archery stuff before I get to archery stuff in my writing, since I could use some tips on the archery parts...

                 

                Just because you can't see sound doesn't mean that you can't describe how something sounds, though.  Someone can have a deep voice, or a raspy voice, for example (not really examples that go with this chapter, but I'm tired, so whatever...).  The main thing is that I thought they both seemed kinda unnecessary, since just the dialogue pretty much got the point across without needing to be told anything extra.  Like you said, it was pretty clear the dude at the end was in charge of them.  And with the way the guy was taunting Bobbi, I didn't really need you to tell me about the malevolent glee, since that was already apparent, based off what he said.  Maybe I'm just super smart, so I didn't need the description! haha

  • Mockeye Newbie 4 posts since
    Sep 8, 2012

    Hey, awesome chapter man! Took you a little while but it was well worth the wait to finally see it all glued together. There’s a whole lot of stuff to love here for a Clint and Bobbi fan, I’m not sure which points I wanna hit on first. The fun smartass banter between them, mysterious cave exploration, and surprisingly, the first full-fledged combat scene I’ve seen you write haha. 

     

    As usual though awesome job writing Clint and Bobbi! Their dialogue and banter is always half the fun and you always deliver. Ya wrote a ton of great lines and banter from quips about sit ups to Bobbi’s trademark smack talk against her enemy. Also love how well you’re able to showcase their relationship and how well they complement each other. Bobbi’s by the books while Clint’s way of thinking is more outside of the box which explains how they wound up searching the rock in the first place haha. But Clint’s imagination showed him an “arrow” and a pattern while Bobbi just saw a few broken twigs. It’s been pointed out plenty of times before but it’s just further proof of why they make such a good couple haha. They both bring something different to the table and work well off each other.

     

    And of course you know I’m gonna love the Indiana Jones adventure vibes you spread throughout the story, which Bobbi even pointed out herself. It’s a lotta fun seeing Clint and Bobbi going into Tomb Raider mode and I like the cool use of Clint’s specialty arrowheads. I always thought using a flare would be really fun haha. I liked your use of descriptions too, they weren’t too heavy on the creepiness of exploring a cold dark cave since Clint and Bobbi would enjoy it more than fear it but there’s still the eeriness of being in a pitch black and claustrophobic environment which you pointed out in one part where Bobbi was slightly tempted to use the last flare so she wouldn’t have to sit in darkness while Clint was busy squeezing through the wall.

     

    Great job on the fight scene too! Poor Clint got sucker kicked but they were both able to hold their own so long as they could see. The descriptions and actions were nice and direct without getting too wordy and gave it the more intense and frantic feel. Nice work on distinguishing Clint and Bobbi’s fighting styles too. You gave a little foreshadowing to Bobbi’s style earlier with her “taekwondo enhanced balance.”  She’s gonna have more of a flashier fighting style with kicks and spins while Clint’s just a headbutt and knuckle brawler haha. So great job on detailing combat and fight moves, I know you spent a while on it. Can’t wait to see what you have in store for the next actions bits.

     

    But anyway, great chapter man. Hopefully it won’t take quite as long before the next chapter is done but I know you’re juggling a bunch of different stories and ideas haha.

     

    (And this is brian from the old forum in case anyone is wondering, old profiles are acting funky I guess)

    • Jadryx HeroHQModerator 8,913 posts since
      Apr 4, 2012

      Hey Brian!  Haven’t seen you around here for a while.  Welcome back!  At first I was thinking – hey look Hawk has gained a new fan (with a very detailed review!) but then you said it was you and it all made sense. 

       

      News Lad should be able to help you sort out the issues with your old account if you PM him (or he may have already read your post and could be working on it already, ‘cuz he’s quick like that )

       

      
  • MadajBlob Newbie 17 posts since
    Aug 11, 2012

    This is the best fan fiction i have ever read and i was wondering if you have any hints that you could give to someone who is considering starting to write his own fan fiction

    • OP_12 Newbie 78 posts since
      Aug 23, 2012

      I'm a fanfic writer myself, I even had the biggest fanfic (in content, not necessarily the best ) on herohq before it went schizoid early in the year, so if you'd like some advice, here's what little I can give to you, ha ha. If you're doing it on an already established property like a comic book or video game series or even a crossover of different franchises like Marvel vs DC, Marvel vs Capcom, Mortal Kombat vs DC, etc, over the years, I'd suggest looking up and researching the characters you want to use. (It doesn't have to be thorough, but just enough). Get a feel for their personality, how they act, what their powers/skills/abilities are, etc.

      Add your own spin on them however you want, just make sure you remain true to them, that they don't act out of character. God knows thats the way most people have been complaining about their favorites over the years. Especially if you're a Hawkeye fan! lol Hope that helps, other than that, just try the best you can and don't get discouraged if you mess up, nobody's perfect.

  • Mockeye Newbie 4 posts since
    Sep 8, 2012

    @Jad- Haha, hey Jad, how have you been? I'm fine with using a new account though. Looks like they got rid of all the achievement and ranking stuff anyways, not that it was a big deal.

     

    @Hawk- Psh, you'd be lucky to know anyone with a name as cool and sexy as Mockeye

     

    Ah come on, Crystal Skull is a classic! But yeah, I imagine the Indy/Tomb Raider vibes will only get stronger as the story moves forward. Or I should know since I know a bit of the outline haha.

     

    But no problem man, you know I can't keep my mouth shut when Hawk and Mock awesomeness is waved in my face haha.

     

    @MadajBlob- You have excellent taste in writing

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